8 days into 2022, and here I am attempting a post to review 2021. Life and parenting got in the way. Well, later better than never. In fact, I had already done a review in my bujo before Christmas, but putting it down in a blog post takes more effort, at least for me.
Living My Life with Gratitude
I always remind myself that I am in a very privileged position. I get to stay at home to watch my 4 kids grow and build my online businesses that are now generating a small income.
Everything is at my own pace, with no significant pressure (though I still have a P&L to maintain), and no one but myself to report to. Running these businesses have helped me to stay sane and balanced while running after 4 rascals at home.
Of course, life is never not perfect. We had a lot of hiccups, anxiety and conflicts along the way, especially relating to parenting matters. That’s perfectly normal, and it is part of personal growth and character building. It is important that we see things half cup filled rather than half cup empty.
My Personal Highlights of 2021
1) Precious time with my 4 kids!
This is somewhat a result of mum’s guilt which my best friend has rightfully pointed out, as well as the heavy opportunity cost involved in leaving a stable banking job that came with super long hours.
2) The twins started preschool.
I homeschooled them for over 2 years and we logged countless sweet joyous moments together.
Sending them to school on the first day was emotionally painful for me, but it had to be done because I need to channel more time and energy to help the elder ones prepare for their PSLE.
3) I finally started exercising regularly.
Ever since I was pregnant with the twins in 2016, a regular exercise regime had never been in the picture. I was initially on bed rest for the most part of the pregnancy, and after the twins arrived, they were both stuck to me like glue.
Hence, sending them to preschool gives me more room to breathe too.
If you are feeling guilty for not exercising regularly, don’t. Sometimes the season of life that we are in simply doesn’t allow us to do more.
Don’t be pressurised by social media, judgements and self-criticism. Everyone / every family has different capacities and limitations, as well as different commitments and responsibilities Just do what you can realistically.
4) Hand-holding my boy
A lot of anxiety, frustration and patience involved. I shan’t reveal much in this public space without his permission except that a lot of time and effort is required and it is not going to end soon.
I am thankful for the professional support we received from our counsellors and therapists because without them, we will remain lost in an endless dark tunnel.
5) Symbolic growth in my e-commerce business.
I put in more time in my e-shop and as a result slowed down my blogging frequency. Thankfully my efforts bear fruit with higher sales volume achieved.
6) Self-Developement
Thanks to Covid-19 which popularised zoom classes, I managed to attend a number of courses for self-development and parenting skills in the comfort of my home, with the twins sitting on my lap.
5 Key Parenting Lessons Learned
1) Love Languages
One key concept that I learned from Michelle, a seasoned mother of 6 in her Star Parenting Course is that everyone has their own one or two love languages, including kids.
Love languages are the ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These include acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time and receiving gifts. Identifying my kids and even my husband’s love language has helped me to understand their actions better, be kinder to them and reduce conflicts.
2) Kids will do well if they can
“Kids will do well if they can.” This is a well-know quote from Dr Ross Green, author of Raising Human Being. Kids will do well if they are equipped with the necessary skills.
Through his book, I reinforced parenting techniques previously learnt, as well as new perspectives that help me to be a better parent.
A good instance is my elder daughter who often refuses to clean up the big mess she creates after playing. Simply asking her to clean up won’t work as she lacks the organisation skills to decipher what to pick up first. The mess is often to overwhelming for her. She needs help with identifying which group of mess to tidy up, and follow by the next.
Similarly, the boy who struggles with academic work often secretly wishes that he can be better. But he lacks the cognitive abilities that a P6 kid should have. So, it is not his fault that he can’t do well.
It is my responsibility as his parent to find out what his learning challenges are, break them down into small blocks, and teach him how to tackle these blocks bit by bit, one by one.
3) See My Kids As Partners and Seek to Collaborate with Them
We often treat our friends and colleagues with respect. We ask them for their preference when we make a bubble tea order for everyone. In the office, we discuss with our team mates when facing challenges.
My kids are human beings who like to be treated with respect too. They like it when adults take their opinions into consideration, and they like to exercise their autonomy. Unfortunately, due to their underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, they often make reckless and illogical decisions.
As parents, we can help them by giving them options, so as to give them the autonomy to choose. Often, they yearn to be treated as responsible adults and hence will standby the decision they make.
In our instance, when tidying up the house, I ask whether they want to wipe to window or mop the floor.
When revising school work, options revolve around what they want to achieve for that particular week or day. “Do you want to work or Maths or Science today?’
If they decide to work on the Science, then I may ask, “It appears that you need to work on the Respiratory System and Electricity. Which one do you prefer to revise today?”
Let them choose and they will be more willing to buckle down on their revision.
4) It takes time to learn and build
Barbara Oakley, author of “Learning How To Learn” introduced 2 modes of learning to me – focused mode and diffused mode. We are mostly familiar with the focused mode. it is when we concentrate intently to learn something.
How about diffused mode? It is when we are not intently learning. Rather, we are in a relaxed state, drawing, exercising, and even sleeping. Our brain get the opportunity to subconsciously connect new information that we learned earlier the day. Hence the idiom – sleep on something which means to wait until the next day before making an important decision. This applies to learning too!
Understanding the diffused mode of learning has changed my approach towards mentoring my kids. I now nag less, push less. In another word, I become more understanding, give them time to rest, encourage them to play and exercise.
5) Breathe Deeply
It took a panic attack, a counselling session and another session with the psychiatrist to drill into me that deep breathing is really important for everyone.
Deep breathing will calm down anyone who is facing any form of challenges, regardless of whether the person is taking an exam or feeling anger building up. Grab something, like a water bottle or even the bottom corner of our knee-length skirt to feel grounded, deep breath, counting 1 to 10, in 3 sets.
Deep breathing also helps with tackling pain. Have you been told to inhale deeply just before an injection? It is really effective in pain management.
Looking forward to 2022:
My key priority remains the same – precious and meaningful time with the kids.
Key Challenges Ahead
PSLE year – it is not just the tutoring, but managing everyone’s expectations towards the kids’ progress. Thankful for the professional support we get, without which will leave us in an endless dark tunnel. We do the best we can, and that is good enough.
Going without a helper by mid-year.
Not sure how things will go. I am not particularly excited about housekeeping. But I strongly believe that getting my kids involved in housekeeping and cooking will help them cultivate ownership over their own lives, executive skills, life skills as well as management/leadership skills. Hence, it is important to get their hands dirty, literally! ,
So for their sake, I am going to bite the bullet and take on this major challenge!
What are your major challenge for 2022? Feel free to share in the comments box below.
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