My twins are already 15 months. Looking after two babies and two school-going children for the past 15 months had been very challenging for my hubby and me, filled raw emotions and exhaustion from parenting four kids. Honestly, I didn’t take good care of my physical health, and perhaps mental health. But having very little time for self-care is probably just a glamorous excuse. How about not caring about self-care? I finally have enough of falling sick and starting finding remedies to help myself.
Armed with experience after three pregnancies and four babies, I am writing to share what remedies have worked or me, while caring for two babies, as well as the pitfalls to avoid.
I have to split the contents into two posts, separately on mental health and physical health to avoid information overload.
The second post is here: My self-care journey during my babies first year (part 2)- physical health
Mental Health- Avoiding Post-Natal Depression
I was very wary of falling into post-natal depression. I knew looking after four children were possibly overwhelming for me as a first-time stay-home mum, and it would likely to affect my mental health adversely.
There is only so much stress that one person can take. While I keep telling myself that I am strong and I can take on more responsibilities, it is essential to let go of the less important matters so that I can take on more roles. But letting go of self-care should never have happened.
In my earlier post which I wrote three months after delivery, I talked mostly about letting go. Letting pass certain matters have helped me handle my daily challenges. I no longer insist on feeding my babies with breast milk exclusively; I asked for help and tried not to sweat the small stuff.
Not Sweating the Small Stuff
As the babies did not have any worrying health issue such as jaundice nor were underweight, I did not worry whether the babies drank every 3 hourly or for a certain amount a day. They could drink every 2 or 3 hourly. The quantity could be 90 ml, 120 ml or 150 ml. Honestly, I was not fussy about it as long as they were drinking some milk regularly. Today, they are generally healthy, and their growth is on track. That is good enough for me.
Nonetheless, I did try to increase my breastmilk supply to keep up with the demands of two babies. I didn’t power pump as I found it too stressful for me. I would not be able to keep up with the hourly pump while feeding two babies and taking care of the older ones. What I only did was taking supplements that had helped to increase my supply. I took Motherlove More Milk Plus at my friend’s recommendation, and in the later months, I applied diluted basil essential oil on my breast as well. Basil has not only increased my supply, it also helped to relieve my anxiety from producing insufficient breastmilk. Contact me here if you are keen to try out Doterra Basil Essential Oil.
As for the older children, I guide them in their school work. I don’t remember having so much to do when I was in lower primary. Anyway, I am not particular about how great their work look and I do not help out extensively in their projects. I never prepare them in advance of their syllabus. Well, I have friends who thought I have the time to do so. Sorry, no such luxury, I only ensure that they don’t fall behind the lessons and they understand what they were taught.
I am grateful that we can afford to hire a domestic helper to handle the housework. I don’t like doing housework. Not many people like doing housework anyway. We employ a helper so that I focus only on the children and their growth, and not let the nitty gritty of household chores tie me down.
While hiring a live-in helper has many other non-monetary issues to address, the advantages of having a helper at home far exceed the problems that come along. I choose to see my helper as an extra pair of hands to help, rather than an extra load of burden to shoulder.
I still stand by what I mentioned in that post – How I keep my sanity with four kids at home – post-confinement.
Other than having a positive mindset to tackle the daily challenges, I also managed to carry out other activities to distract myself away from the kids and babies to retain a healthy mental state.
ME TIME
My hubby is out of town very frequently. I am grateful to receive help from my parents and sister in the evening so that I can spend some time for a good shower and skin/facial/hair care. It is essential that we mummies continue to take care of our outward appearance even though we look heavier and rounder than before. Having a well-kept appearance keep us happy and confident of ourselves.
Having Me Time is especially crucial for stay-home mother like me, who do not get out of the house other than supermarket trips, commuting to and fro my kids’ school with a baby hanging onto me all the time.
Mothering is a 24/7 job. Having Me Time helps to reduce stress level and burnout. I used to have a lot more Me Time when I was still working. Lunchtime was Me Time, either to spend some quiet time reading in the office, do yoga and run errands. These days, I count myself lucky if I get to complete a 15-min yoga session at home. That is my Me Time.
Sometime Else To Do
Other than child-minding at home, I have a hobby cum small business, which is this blog.
Blogging distracts me from the mundane responsibility of looking after my children. It gets my brain working.
Blogging involves lots of writing and a clear mind. There are tons to learn about blogging. When I went through my tertiary education, we all still using Netscape. Even a module on introducing web development is unheard. Everything in blogging is self-learned.
But I also have to admit that the blog has stolen my sleep. So for me, it is a matter of discipline and prioritising rest above blogging.
Other than blogging, mummies at home can also pick up a new skill without stepping out of the house. For me, learning something new has rejuvenated me.
One way to pick up new skills is via online courses. There are online academies such as Udemy or Coursera which host tons of new skills to pick up, such as writing, web development, sewing and parenting, to name a few.
A Healthy Social Circle
Maintaining a social circle with like-minded friends has helped tremendously in keeping my sanity.
Whenever I encounter arudous problems, I turn to my best friends who happen to be mothers too. They may not be able to give me immediate solutions, but they lent me their listening ears. Running the problems by them often help me to gain more clarity, and eventually a breakthrough.
I also exchange ideas members of certain Facebook groups who are parents of young children. Because the parents in the group come from diverse backgrounds, connecting with them, have helped me broaden my mind. I got to know more mummies who face similar or more challenging situations. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling. In fact, I should be grateful for having an easier time than many others.
I hope I have shared something that is helpful to you. Parenting is a 24/7 job. It is not easy, not even after the kids enter their adolescence years.
What do you do to keep yourself happy and positive? Please share in the comments box below.
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